When the timing is right…and my ducks are in a row.

I have watched myself, throughout life, move in and out of action towards what seems to be my purpose here on this planet. It has probably looked from a distance like I am winding a crazy labyrinth through life, but for me it has always been about following a feeling of aliveness, and finding a life path that precipitates that feeling. The times when I experience myself going astray are times when I am unsure of the stability, or have a clear lack, of one of my basic needs. The times that I see myself thriving and moving forward with clear passion and purpose are instances when it occurs to me that I have my basic ducks in a row.

During a recent two-week road trip to Canada I saw the difference it makes to have my basic needs taken care of.  I observed the futility of trying to focus on any other thing when I had not secured – and felt unsure of how to procure – food, fuel or shelter.

I stayed for a few days with a friend of my dad’s who works as a county councillor and he was sharing with me his thoughts on the governance of a community.  We explored the possibility that never before now, in our culture, have we ignored the need for security in all three of what are considered to be humans’ basic needs at the same time.  Instead, we are putting our focus on “progress” and expansion to the detriment of our lives and communities.  I am seeing the possible effect of this misstep in my own experience as I live on the virtual edge of homelessness and fear of exposure to the elements.  There is essentially no extra energy or attention for self-expression, expansion or creation.

In the last few years, my urge to have a home of my own has been getting stronger. I didn’t realize until recently that I probably won’t be able to get on with my life, so to speak, until I get that sorted out.  Author Sonia Choquette talks about the idea that we can really only take on and have miraculous results with our current heart’s desires. She speaks of having had an urge to write a book but not being able to get going with it. Upon further reflection she realized that, at that moment, what she desired most was rest, tidiness in her home, and a chance to spend quality time with her young children.

There is a time for every purpose, and I am seeing that the going can be maddeningly slow when I am taking on a purpose of mine that is meant for a later date, or when I am looking for inspiration in my work without having secured a roof (literal or metaphorical) over my head.  Lately I have been coming up with all sorts of ideas for my work in the future, but I haven’t been able to get myself moving with any one of them. Just as Choquette shared in her story, my failure  in having these ideas take flight doesn’t seem to be for fear of success, though that may play a small role in my hesitation. Instead it seems to be more a case of timing, and lining up my ducks (and getting roofs over their heads). Currently I am hearing the call, loud and clear, that it is time for this cancerian homebody to find a rock of my own, and when I do, when my basic needs are taken care of…watch out world, because here I come!