This evening’s conversation with my “inner eater” went differently than it had the night before:
Lily 1: “Are you hungry?”
Lily 2: “No, yes, I don’t know. I just scarfed down a whole plate of dinner and I don’t feel satisfied.”
L1: “What would you like?”
L2: “Ice Cream”
L1: “Really? Is that what your belly wants? What your body wants?”
L2: “No, and it’s not even really what my mouth wants. It’s what my mind wants and I’m going to have it anyway.”
I serve myself a very small bowl of ice cream – Neopolitan, heavy on the strawberry cause that’s what flavor there is the most of in the carton. I take one bite. It makes my tongue cold and it’s not really that good or satisfying.
I put the bowl down and do something else for a minute. I can’t stop thinking about it, though, the sweet taste lingering on my tongue. I consider dumping it down the drain and brushing my teeth.
I remember how good I had felt the other night when I left a large puddle of melting ice cream on my plate. How satisfied I had felt. How clearly the moment had arrived when, all of a sudden, my physical hunger was satisfied and I had no desire to eat anymore. My experience tonight is different. I am trying to fill some perceived need that both my body and mind know could never be satisfied with ice cream, even gallons and gallons of it. And I don’t feel willing to take the time to slow down and listen to what it is that I really crave.